this morning, i came across my boyfriend's note. suddenly i felt so strong. i felt this feeling that made me look forward into something better in the super near future.
being here, being away from my family, friends, and jox is not easy, really. but nobody said that this would be easy anyway. ya, i made them proud. ya, i'm lucky to be here-- i think. but this is not happiness. this is not contentment. this is not what i want. being here made me realize that when i get back, there's still a chance for me to make things right. to make him feel that i love him more than anything else. to make my family be proud and thankful for having me, though i'm stubborn.
that where i am right now is for him. i always knew that he's better than me and i love him for that. i pursued to be here because i want him to see that i am worthy of having him. that i am more than what his eyes could see. more than what his hands can touch.
that i am more than what i am from my past. pressured much? yes i am. too pressured to prove something to him.
because you're too good for me...and i will do with all my effort to make you see that i am the girl for you.
that i am the right one.
after 6months, i'm going back. 1 month down baby :')
i'm going to love you more, all of my mistakes, all those times that you felt you are alone, all those tears and confrontations, all these stress and loneliness that were feeling, all this crap...
one day we can finally be thankful because all of these things made us stronger. probably this is really our 'turning point'. to something better.
and ya,
"when all of the world says we won't make it through, we'll battle the world."
i love you.
je t'aime.
gihigugma kita.
aku cinta kamu.
mahal kita :)
Monday, March 23, 2015
this. over. soon.
what is it again?
feeling anxious?
daunted?
or sad?
she is going to cry again.
remember?
remember who said that?
it is alright. we will be fine.
why are your fingers trembling?
did a nightmare afflict you?
it is alright. everything will be fine.
whenever you cry, i shall be here to embrace you.
whenever those fingers tremble, would i not be here to take your hands?
would i not be here for you, now and forever?
i will be.
this will be over soon. i love you so much, Jox.
feeling anxious?
daunted?
or sad?
she is going to cry again.
remember?
remember who said that?
it is alright. we will be fine.
why are your fingers trembling?
did a nightmare afflict you?
it is alright. everything will be fine.
whenever you cry, i shall be here to embrace you.
whenever those fingers tremble, would i not be here to take your hands?
would i not be here for you, now and forever?
i will be.
this will be over soon. i love you so much, Jox.
prologue
in my 19 years of existence, i can say that all i've done are mistakes! hahaha. charot. o. mag papakilala lang ako ha para close tayo. ako si jeng. dati long hair ako, ngayon short hair na. pati height ko short din. kainis. mahilig ako sa matamis, maanghang, walang mata, walang buhay na pagkain-- gulay lang kinakain ko. susme maawa tayo sa mga hayop, dapat sa kanila inaalagaan! kung nakakapag salita lang yang mga yan malamang minumura na nila tayo. hindi porket chicken joy ang tawag sa mga manok na binebenta sa jollibee e masaya sila no.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
anxiety
-m- A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
3 months ago, i graduated from college. which means, right now, i am 3 months employed. i never thought that i would be ranting about this again after i posted my not-so-recent blog http://missrowss.blogspot.com/2011/06/kumpiyansa-sa-sarili-asan-ka-na.html . i feel so shameful whenever i walk around the house, feeling so unproductive. i hate this feeling. but as my man always say, "everything has a purpose." and i believe in him.
this past few days, I've been up to processing my documents for my dream workplace, Singapore. i had my internship there, so i'm quite comfortable working there. my man and i were processing our papers together. it was so smooth flowing. until my anxiousness came up. he received an email from another agency asking him if he's still interested to have an interview with their client, an international hotel chain. that agency was our agency when we had an internship before so for us, they're tried and tested. so he responded. scheduled for interview. had his interview. and he passed. he already submitted his documents on our agency and he's getting them back, so he won't have any problem in processing his application on his agency.
now i feel like left alone. i mean, yes we're going on the same destination yet it's the journey that counts, as they say. and it's quite uncertain to me. what if my employment pass won't be approved? what if we can't stay together on the same place? what will i do if he got a crush on his co workers? what if we're too busy and we won't have time for each other? i don't know now. at first i was too excited about us, going to Singapore and work there together. but he made his application quite complicated and i'm dying here because of anxiety.
this month, we're about to turn two years, and i don't want to make a fuss about this. *sighs*
oh yah, from now on, whenever i post, i will also include a song and please try to listen to it. :)
today's song: amazing because it is by the almost
3 months ago, i graduated from college. which means, right now, i am 3 months employed. i never thought that i would be ranting about this again after i posted my not-so-recent blog http://missrowss.blogspot.com/2011/06/kumpiyansa-sa-sarili-asan-ka-na.html . i feel so shameful whenever i walk around the house, feeling so unproductive. i hate this feeling. but as my man always say, "everything has a purpose." and i believe in him.
this past few days, I've been up to processing my documents for my dream workplace, Singapore. i had my internship there, so i'm quite comfortable working there. my man and i were processing our papers together. it was so smooth flowing. until my anxiousness came up. he received an email from another agency asking him if he's still interested to have an interview with their client, an international hotel chain. that agency was our agency when we had an internship before so for us, they're tried and tested. so he responded. scheduled for interview. had his interview. and he passed. he already submitted his documents on our agency and he's getting them back, so he won't have any problem in processing his application on his agency.
now i feel like left alone. i mean, yes we're going on the same destination yet it's the journey that counts, as they say. and it's quite uncertain to me. what if my employment pass won't be approved? what if we can't stay together on the same place? what will i do if he got a crush on his co workers? what if we're too busy and we won't have time for each other? i don't know now. at first i was too excited about us, going to Singapore and work there together. but he made his application quite complicated and i'm dying here because of anxiety.
this month, we're about to turn two years, and i don't want to make a fuss about this. *sighs*
oh yah, from now on, whenever i post, i will also include a song and please try to listen to it. :)
today's song: amazing because it is by the almost
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
i am still your little girl.
this is dedicated to my first boyfriend, my daddy.
i know it's been so long since we grew up cold with each other. each day i always long to be close to you, again.
i know i have been your hard headed daughter, i have been mistreating you. i have been disrespectful to you. but that doesn't mean that i am loving you less. i am sorry for those days that i have pushed you hard.
i miss those times when we spend our day singing, beating each other's scores in magic sing, talking about music. i miss those days when you have to pick me up at school. i can still remember how you managed to make me so happy-- you bought me a pair of rabbits. you helped me take care of them. i treasure those days and i can still feel that happiness you gave me.
i can still remember too, when you decided to spend most of your time at Batangas. i felt so silly remembering ho much i cried the first time you have to leave. i feel like i will lose you that night. i can't wait for you to go back and spend your days with us at Bulacan.
i want to slap my face when i saw you crying because you have heard that i have a boyfriend at school. i was very young then, and i didn't know what i was doing. i am very sorry.
even if sometimes i get irritated because you want to know how everything works in facebook, i still feel so happy because i get to talk to you when you ask me for help.
daddy, you are the reason why i love music, why i love singing, why i love animals. you are the reason why i am here on earth. thank you so much for standing strong for our family. despite of your shortcomings, you are still the best daddy, and the best guy in my life. i love you daddy. even if i'm spending too much time with my man now, i treasure you more than anyone and anything. (advance) happy father' day.
i know it's been so long since we grew up cold with each other. each day i always long to be close to you, again.
i know i have been your hard headed daughter, i have been mistreating you. i have been disrespectful to you. but that doesn't mean that i am loving you less. i am sorry for those days that i have pushed you hard.
i miss those times when we spend our day singing, beating each other's scores in magic sing, talking about music. i miss those days when you have to pick me up at school. i can still remember how you managed to make me so happy-- you bought me a pair of rabbits. you helped me take care of them. i treasure those days and i can still feel that happiness you gave me.
i can still remember too, when you decided to spend most of your time at Batangas. i felt so silly remembering ho much i cried the first time you have to leave. i feel like i will lose you that night. i can't wait for you to go back and spend your days with us at Bulacan.
i want to slap my face when i saw you crying because you have heard that i have a boyfriend at school. i was very young then, and i didn't know what i was doing. i am very sorry.
even if sometimes i get irritated because you want to know how everything works in facebook, i still feel so happy because i get to talk to you when you ask me for help.
Friday, June 10, 2011
kumpiyansa sa sarili, asan ka na?
ngayon lang ako nanghina nang ganito.
ngayon lang ako na frustrate nang bongga.
ngayon lang ako nawalan ng kumpiyansa sa sarili.
ewan ko kung pagiging OA to, pero kasi. dalawang buwan na akong graduate, sa unibersidad na may magandang reputasyon at dekalidad. overseas naman yung on-the-job training ko. hindi naman ako kapangitan. mahusay din naman ako magsalita. nasa range na 1.75-1.81 yung GWA ko. madaming interview narin ang napuntahan ko. PERO bakit hanggang ngayon. wala parin akong trabaho. hindi naman ako nag iisa sa mundo na may ganitong sitwasyon. pero magkakaiba kami ng paniniwala sa buhay e. hindi ako sanay ng ganito. kailangan ko na kumilos. madami akong mga pangarap na gustong maabot, mga simpleng pangarap lang naman.
hindi naman ako pinipressure ng mga magulang ko (which is a good thing), pero wah. ayoko na ng ganito. ewan ko kung nagsisisi ako na nag quit ako sa una kong trabaho, pero kasi ba naman ha. friday yung graduation namin.
saturday.
sunday.
monday, first day ko sa work. okay lang kaya yun? na stress agad ako eh, kahalo ng inggit sa batchmates kong mga lumalamyerda pa. ang nangyari e nagkasakit ako, na dismiss, so waley na ako trabaho. three days lang ako tumagal sa kumpanya. well actually mag qquit na talaga ako, naunahan lang ako ni sir na idismiss. hindi naman ako nakakaramdam ng pagsisisi sa nangyari, kasi gusto ko naman ang kinahinatnan. yun nga lang, sumobra naman. inabot ako ng dalawang buwan sa pagpapahinga. okay lang kaya yun?
bukas may interview ako. sa monday din. sa tuesday din. sa friday din. sana naman...
ngayon lang ako na frustrate nang bongga.
ngayon lang ako nawalan ng kumpiyansa sa sarili.
ewan ko kung pagiging OA to, pero kasi. dalawang buwan na akong graduate, sa unibersidad na may magandang reputasyon at dekalidad. overseas naman yung on-the-job training ko. hindi naman ako kapangitan. mahusay din naman ako magsalita. nasa range na 1.75-1.81 yung GWA ko. madaming interview narin ang napuntahan ko. PERO bakit hanggang ngayon. wala parin akong trabaho. hindi naman ako nag iisa sa mundo na may ganitong sitwasyon. pero magkakaiba kami ng paniniwala sa buhay e. hindi ako sanay ng ganito. kailangan ko na kumilos. madami akong mga pangarap na gustong maabot, mga simpleng pangarap lang naman.
hindi naman ako pinipressure ng mga magulang ko (which is a good thing), pero wah. ayoko na ng ganito. ewan ko kung nagsisisi ako na nag quit ako sa una kong trabaho, pero kasi ba naman ha. friday yung graduation namin.
saturday.
sunday.
monday, first day ko sa work. okay lang kaya yun? na stress agad ako eh, kahalo ng inggit sa batchmates kong mga lumalamyerda pa. ang nangyari e nagkasakit ako, na dismiss, so waley na ako trabaho. three days lang ako tumagal sa kumpanya. well actually mag qquit na talaga ako, naunahan lang ako ni sir na idismiss. hindi naman ako nakakaramdam ng pagsisisi sa nangyari, kasi gusto ko naman ang kinahinatnan. yun nga lang, sumobra naman. inabot ako ng dalawang buwan sa pagpapahinga. okay lang kaya yun?
bukas may interview ako. sa monday din. sa tuesday din. sa friday din. sana naman...
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
epic fail date
okay. dahil ginaganahan ako mag sulat e lulubos lubusin ko na. haha. yuck, i'm going to share one of my pathetic moments in life. hahaha. 4years ago. marunong nako lumandi. echos! haha. may kakilala ako na medyo parang close closan din naman kami. hahaha. uso yan dati, hihi mga walang magawa sa pera, kaya pinangloload na lang, pinang a unli, at pinang ggm. so ayun nga. pangalanan natin siyang cutie pie. hahaha. mag ka friendster din kami so i get to see how does he look like.
one time niyaya niya ako mag sine. so nag set kami na magkikita muna sa 711 sa may tandang sora. HAHA. at magttrinoma. bobita pa ko sa mga daanan dito, hindi ko alam na may jeep pala sa sakayan malapit samin na diretsong trinoma at makakarating ka dun in 10 minutes. sayang diba sana dun nalang kami nagkita. haha. pero yun na nga. nag cubao pa kami and everything!
balik sa 711. sabi ko sa sarili ko bago ako umalis ng bahay, mukhang okay naman tong lakad na to. kasi mabait naman si cutie pie, personal friend siya ng isa kong close friend, at MUKHANG cute naman. pag dating ko ng 711, medyo nahirapan ako hagilapin siya. HAHA pano literal pala siyang cute! like he's so liit >.< (no offense please) pero kasi, mas maliit pa siya sakin, kaloka lang. hay. okay tumaas na ang turn off flag.
nagyaya nako umalis at pumuntang trinoma. alam naman daw niya kung pano so go hintay kami ng bus. nakakainis kasi sa ordinary bus kami sumakay. eh? sayang naman yung paligo ko noh! ginto kaya yung sabon ko. hahaha.( atsaka i'm allergic to pollution so please...) pero dahil nagpapakumbaba ako, at first tiime namin mag meet, edi sige na nga! ayoko naman maging first impression sakin e maarte. hay. nagulat ako nung sinisingil na kami ng driver. aba. hindi ako nilibre ng pamasahe ng lolo mo. errrrrr turn off flag. tumaas nanaman. gah.
pag dating ng trinoma, haha. wala kaming magawa. ayoko naman kumain kasi ayokong maka face to face siya.isang pogi points sakin e yung maganda yung ngipin. e hindi maganda ngipin niya. at madilaw pa >.< wah. so tinanong ko nalang kung gusto niya mag ice cream. oo daw, lakad kami papuntang dq. nag order ako ng akin, tinanong ko kung ano sa kanya. bahala na daw ako. di parehas na flavor nalang inorder ko. nung magbabayad na. P*&*^&$%^^%??? ako din yung nag bayad ng ice cream! hay grabe lang. turn off flag. wumawagayway na talaga mga bakla! kakaloka!
di nako nakatiis, nag yaya ako maglakad lakad habang kinakain yung ice cream. at para kong nag rarapid walk para man lang hindi akalain ng mga tao na magkasama kami. after that day, di ko na siya tinext. never ko na ulit siya kinontact. nakakainis lang. hahaha pero nakakatawa din. so guys. please do take the tab. especially on first meetings. OKAY? ako kasi luging lugi e! di na nga cute, kuripot pa. leche.
at di na muling naulit pa iyon. nadala na ako.
one time niyaya niya ako mag sine. so nag set kami na magkikita muna sa 711 sa may tandang sora. HAHA. at magttrinoma. bobita pa ko sa mga daanan dito, hindi ko alam na may jeep pala sa sakayan malapit samin na diretsong trinoma at makakarating ka dun in 10 minutes. sayang diba sana dun nalang kami nagkita. haha. pero yun na nga. nag cubao pa kami and everything!
balik sa 711. sabi ko sa sarili ko bago ako umalis ng bahay, mukhang okay naman tong lakad na to. kasi mabait naman si cutie pie, personal friend siya ng isa kong close friend, at MUKHANG cute naman. pag dating ko ng 711, medyo nahirapan ako hagilapin siya. HAHA pano literal pala siyang cute! like he's so liit >.< (no offense please) pero kasi, mas maliit pa siya sakin, kaloka lang. hay. okay tumaas na ang turn off flag.
nagyaya nako umalis at pumuntang trinoma. alam naman daw niya kung pano so go hintay kami ng bus. nakakainis kasi sa ordinary bus kami sumakay. eh? sayang naman yung paligo ko noh! ginto kaya yung sabon ko. hahaha.( atsaka i'm allergic to pollution so please...) pero dahil nagpapakumbaba ako, at first tiime namin mag meet, edi sige na nga! ayoko naman maging first impression sakin e maarte. hay. nagulat ako nung sinisingil na kami ng driver. aba. hindi ako nilibre ng pamasahe ng lolo mo. errrrrr turn off flag. tumaas nanaman. gah.
pag dating ng trinoma, haha. wala kaming magawa. ayoko naman kumain kasi ayokong maka face to face siya.isang pogi points sakin e yung maganda yung ngipin. e hindi maganda ngipin niya. at madilaw pa >.< wah. so tinanong ko nalang kung gusto niya mag ice cream. oo daw, lakad kami papuntang dq. nag order ako ng akin, tinanong ko kung ano sa kanya. bahala na daw ako. di parehas na flavor nalang inorder ko. nung magbabayad na. P*&*^&$%^^%??? ako din yung nag bayad ng ice cream! hay grabe lang. turn off flag. wumawagayway na talaga mga bakla! kakaloka!
di nako nakatiis, nag yaya ako maglakad lakad habang kinakain yung ice cream. at para kong nag rarapid walk para man lang hindi akalain ng mga tao na magkasama kami. after that day, di ko na siya tinext. never ko na ulit siya kinontact. nakakainis lang. hahaha pero nakakatawa din. so guys. please do take the tab. especially on first meetings. OKAY? ako kasi luging lugi e! di na nga cute, kuripot pa. leche.
at di na muling naulit pa iyon. nadala na ako.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)